Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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