my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
