standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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