I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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