I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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