his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
