they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
