I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
