We're facebook friends in real life
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
