just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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