So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
