He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
