you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
