i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just cropdusted the office
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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