Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
