my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
