I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
