i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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