I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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