i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
