I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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