I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
