woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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