You really coming over, don't trick.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
