Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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