You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
please come you make the beer taste better
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
