we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
