Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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