my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
