Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
