oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
