Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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