Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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