I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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