I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
