I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
