then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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