Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
