I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
