You're so nebulous sometimes
Just cropdusted the office
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
