But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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