awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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