My Higher Power is John Stamos
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
