This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
