If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
