you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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