Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
