All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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