Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
