so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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