We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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