if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
