And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
