nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
