I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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