There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
