ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
