but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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