piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
