i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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