That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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