a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
