I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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