I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize