you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
