there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
