Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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