There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
