He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize