Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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