I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
bring money and cleavage
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
