Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
