don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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